mommyhood.

So I thought I would be one of those who would never ever leave Blogger. Not this long anyways. And I managed to keep my word when I got married. I didn't allow the change in status to hamper me to blog about things I liked and the things which were happening around me. And though I blogged about not much else apart from my pregnancy when I got pregnant, I still found the time to blog. A blogger is who I was, am and will always be.

Or so I thought.

Motherhood has changed me. It has taken away the time which I used to have for myself, which I failed to appreciate when I wasn't with a child. Having a baby is like having to always be ready to shower with the door open when you're alone with him and being ready to run out of the shower naked, with only one leg shaved, the moment he cries for you. Being a mother means you have to sacrifice the things you love for a while, while he is still so helpless and is trying to find comfort in this world you have brought him into. Being a mother also causes a shift in paradigm and priorities.

And though it seems like motherhood demands so much out of a person, there is an indescribable instant gratification which I get out of it, which is equally difficult to fathom.

Is it in that smile while and after I am nursing him? It is in that expectant look every time I sing his bath time song. Is it the amusement in seeing how his little legs kick in his tub each time I sing his swimming song? Is it that toothless smile? Or is it in that funny moment when he cries hearing his own fart? Or is it the fact that he now knows that I am his Mama each time his eyes tail me while I move about the room to get things done.

Or is it all of the above?

I sometimes wish I had a camera watching over us to record moments in a day which cannot be rewinded; both good and bad.

It's the fact that babies grow oh-so-fast that makes him such a powerful magnet; so powerful that I can't quite pull myself away from him, even when I want to.

Though I love this blog and vow to come back to it, telling it of how Ariff Luqman came into this world so that I will always remember, for now, I'm just going to spend my days just planting sloppy kisses on this boy, while he's still too young to tell me off for embarrassing him.

Til then. I'll be enjoying motherhood now.

I will be back. I promise ;)

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

tenth.

So the Doctor said, if I don’t deliver by the 10th, I’ll have to be admitted and he would have to induce my delivery. Because of the many experiences of others who have been induced before, I was hoping that my ObyGyn would change his mind. So I asked him if I could keep the baby in me until he was ready to come out. The only response I got was, “Berapa lama you nak simpan baby dalam perut? By the time 10th nanti dia dah 41 weeks dah. Kita induce okay?”

Well, not that I have a choice, do I? My baby is already full term and keeping him in me for too long would be detrimental to both him and me and it would require so many hospital visits because we would both need to be monitored. And just the thought of that made me cringe.

Turns out, we didn’t need to wait until today to see my baby, we didn’t even have to wait until the 4th of April, my EDD.

fresh from the womb!

On the 2nd of April 2012, I safely gave birth to a wonderfully healthy baby boy at 9.33 p.m. at Putrajaya Hospital. He weighed in at 2.75 kg, with a height of 50 cm.

As for now, we are adapting as best as we could, getting to know each other better and trying to embrace a life surrounded by baby wipes, diapers, panda eyes, (painful!) cracked nipples, (so much) laundry and more laundry.

It may sound a lil’ mundane, I know. But trust me, it’s that secret smile and serene face he shares with me after every single (2-hourly!) feed that makes everything worth it at the end of the day.

I wasn’t prepared for this much love and this one week has been nothing but overwhelming.

So, please excuse me. I’m going to go and stare at this beautiful perfect being Allah has blessed me with, now. Alhamdulillah.

Hi there uncles and aunties! My name is Ariff Luqman! And I love Mama's milk (and fingers!)!

(delivery stories will come up soon!)

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

Happy, feet?

very happy feet indeed

Hello!

Still here, still? Haha. I bet you were hoping I’d post a photo of my boy’s tiny feet instead of my own huge ones. You must be tired of waiting. Well, trust me, berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul. Or in my case, it’s my pinggang, right? Or is it my feet? Oh, but of course I know you get what I mean.

My hospital bag has been stashed in the car boot since I was pregnant at 37 weeks. And that was mainly because my friend Nina gave birth at 37 weeks and it freaked me out. It just hit me then that “oh wow it really is possible for the first baby to come out that early” and I wanted to be prepared. Just in case.

But stashing things inside the car proves to be detrimental to my patience.

It’s gotten to a point where I just don’t know what to feel anymore.

So, on Saturday morning, I gave my husband a round of my drama and started crying for no reason.

Okay, not that I didn’t have any reason at all, but it just wasn’t good enough of a reason, is all. It began with me feeling extremely famished and the next thing I know, I was being all emotional about I just don’t know what. The next thing I know there were hot fat tears streaming down my face and all I wanted to do was to bury my head in my husband’s chest and... sob.

In retrospect, it was kind of funny. And not to mention... silly. But, oh well.

I had a good weekend though. Joined my family for some dinner at el Toro, Subang Avenue. Had some steak there, which was okay. But the mushroom soup was so yummy, it is most definitely worth a repeat! Pottered around my parents’ house. Inspected their fridge. Gobbled on those yummy cupcakes my neighbour gave us. Watched the boys play rugby at the padang. Gossed A LOT with Adik. Oh, and speaking of Adik, did you know that Adik is a genius?

Yes, this hula hooping girl who shares a birthday with Einstein (for real!) scored herself 9A+ and 1A for her SPM. I definitely had a “proud parent” moment last week!

And that is all my life has been about in a nutshell.

Here’s to many more days wearing shoes which only half-fit me.

(Though I really hope it won’t be any more longer than a week from now!)

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

Eh eh?

“Still here?!!!”

That question was dubbed “The Most Favourite Question of the Day” yesterday. Yes, I’m still here, both on my blog and at the office. Anyways since that was such a favourite question, yesterday I felt it most appropriate to prepare my Senarai Tugas as at 19 March 2012, just in case. Emailed the list to everyone I’ve been assigned to work with or to take over my work in my absence, just to remind them ANYTIME NOW, bebeh. ANYTIME Haha. Or was that more of a reminder to myself? Errrmm...

And on the list, there’s this ONE thing that I really, really, really don’t feel like doing AT ALL. Tak baik, I know, but really. I’ve been hit by the M Bug; the Malas Bug. At least where that one thing is concerned anyways.

Other than that lone M Bug, I’m still pretty much... me.

Still waking up for work, still preparing breakfast, still getting things done at work (apart from that one thing, of course), going home, preparing dinner, goofing around, still sleeping late sometimes (or all the time, actually), still speaking my mind, still blog hopping and I’m pretty much doing things just as I would as per normal.

But in reality, this waiting game is crazy actually. Really crazy.

People keep joking that it would be okay if I go into labour in the office because there’s so many Abang Gagah who can come to my rescue. Thing is... I don’t even know what labour feels like. I mean of course I’ve heard about contractions, even read up enough on internet forums to give me a “WebMD”, but what they really are is still pretty much of a blur to me.

And instead of being scared, I find that to be hilariously funny because it’s just so ironic? Hahaha. Don’t ask me why, please. I try my best to capitalize on everything these days to increase my own amusement in life. Hard to keep the agitation and annoyance out of a pregnant lady counting days, honestly.

Today, the question above maintains its reputation as “favourite question of the day”. Sometimes (and simply because I can’t help it), I get so annoyed that I want to apply for early leave pronto. But I know people can’t help it. I mean, if I were looking at a serial “waddler” happily waddling her huge butt to work, I’d probably be thinking to myself that “she should be on leave now” too. So, yeah.

But I’m determined I’m okay. In fact, I don’t think I’ve felt this happy and energetic before. Beats me, but while it lasts, I’ll be embracing it with open arms.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

is it any wonder?

There are times when we are stuck in a ludicrous position, only to realise that there isn’t anyone to blame but ourselves.

The fact that we care too much (perhaps the most) is to blame.
The fact that we take our responsibilities seriously is to blame.
The fact that we just have to do everything to the best of our abilities is to blame.

In the end, we are to blame.

When in fact, if the rest of the world cared as much, took their responsibilities seriously and did their best in everything they did, none of us would be in a ludicrous position to begin with and none of us would be blamed.

Is it any wonder why the world is the way it is, when the norm is the minority?

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)